Sunday, August 9, 2009

hey, hey, good lookin'

Apparently there is this thing called NASCAR. What I gather is you got this track and some cars and these men and women. There are women too, aren't there? Well anyway, these drivers zoom around the track really fast much like the Indy 500 only the cars look a bit different. Am I getting warm?

I realize I reside in a place where racing is king, but you have to understand that I live under a rock. I don't know a thing about sports, and I'm cool with that. My favorite sporting events are the Olympics and Stupor Bowl commercials. Do you get my drift? If it is something where lots of people are sweating or competing or trying to win some ring, medal, cup, trophy, or jacket, I probably know little to nothing about it. And I don't have a problem with that.

Now I know it is common for most people to be into sports of one kind or another. That's fine. It's all good. Whoop it up. Get on down with your bad self. But for me, when it comes to sports, you're looking at a blank page. I'm clueless. It's important that you realize this when I tell you what I am about to say.

Bear with me. Allow me a brief segue, if you please. I buy stuff at resale shops whenever I can for clothing especially. I found this great--what I thought to be--football jersey but with a very feminine, form-fitting cut to it. Since I've always been a bit of a tomboy, the whole "football jersey" thing really worked for me. And it had the number 24 on it which meant nothing to my little sports-ignert mind at all. Fiddle-dee-dee.

So the other day at the height of NASCAR season--not that I'd know it, I was wearing my "jersey" at the grocery salivating over a display of Oreos, when I see a man giving me these nervous, sideways glances. He was a big guy. He needed a shave. And his clothes? Let's just say he was slummin'. But, hey, if you can't go to the grocery wearing a wife-beater, where can you go, eh?

At any rate, this nervous, big guy blurts out, "That 24's lookin' pretty good!" I grabbed my Oreos, and I ran.

Little did I know that Mr. Wife Beater was, at the time, probably more interested in the 24 than he was in the woman what was wearing it. Apparently there's this NASCAR dude named Jeff Gordon, and he drives really, really fast?!? How was I to know?

link: Hank Williams, Leo Arnaud, Scarlett O'Hara, Pepsi: Britney Spears/Bob Dole, Snickers: Voting Booth