Friday, May 21, 2010

terror in the hearts of men

It would appear as though I am raising a terrorist or two.

For those of you who have ever lived with a small boy, this picture needs no explanation. These things, they happen. When I saw what transpired in my living room, I laughed. I laughed long and loud. Although you can't tell it, there was a set of handcuffs involved. I'm not sure what the dog did to exact such punishment.

Allow me to dance delicately around the whole racial profiling issue, but am I not the only one who sees shades of terrorism here? The checkered fabric is somewhat disturbing. That's all I'm saying.

I inquired of my sons why they did this. I got sheepish grins and shrugs in response. I'm not sure they knew fully why they did it. They just did. They had to. It was in their blood. More accurately it was in their genes...or jeans. Uh, well, let's just say, "Testosterone made 'em do it," and leave it at that, shall we?

I never had a brother. Now there are three guys in the house and me. The lone female in a sea of testosterone. There is a lot I just don't understand. I laugh because they're weird. I laugh because they're different. I laugh because they stink. I laugh lest I cry. What's a girl to do?

I don't get it. Really I don't. Why are guys so weird? Why do they snort and sweat and huff and puff and swagger and sway? Why do they lift heavy stuff and tote that barge and hoist that bale? What is it they're trying to prove? Who is it they're trying to impress? Do they know? Do they care? Is there method behind their madness? Or do they do it because they gotta? Because it just feels right. Because it's there.

And what if they don't? What if they don't pretend to be bad guys or borderline terrorists? Will they explode? Will they implode? Will they disintegrate?

Frankly, I'm a little fearful. I know the minds of these young boys. I know what's coming. They'll tire of torturing each other and turn their attention to me. Then I'll be bound and gagged. Don't worry about me though. I mean, they wouldn't keep me that way forever, would they? Only until they got hungry, right? Then they'd have to let me go. Even terrorists gotta stop to eat once in a while, don't they? Don't they?!?

Please send help.